*Mango Lover*

Monday, August 04, 2008

World of Difference

You know when you were young, those adults always tell you studying is so much better than working - Enjoy it while you can. I can relate to that now. (My frenz who are still in sch, really, please do enjoy the freedom while you still can). In the past, I always can't wait to get out of school. Right now, as I see schools gearing up in preparation of the National Day's celebration, I wish I'm still part of it. I wish I could still slack the semester away, mugging only for brief moment during exam periods. I wish I still could lead the carefree life, without a worry in the world. I wish... Back to reality, I even have to work on public holidays now!

I have always proclaim that I have no stress in life. Little did I realise that age is catching up with me and more white hairs are popping up. My eyes are also getting worse thanks to the dual-screen at work. I have to admit it's taking a toll on me. No longer able to knock off on time. I feel the heavy responsibility of each and every trade (as they are at least a few millions). Just last week, during my leave period, a failed trade resulted in losses and having to compensate client a few thousands. I can't deny that I got nothing to do with it. Lucky thing is the claim will be paid by the company and not out of my own pocket. Otherwise, I would be a bankrupt already. It's as though I'm standing on tenterhooks everyday. I could not stop thinking and worrying about my trades even when I'm on vacation. It's like if something bad happens, my head will roll...

But I am proud of the work that I'm doing. This goes without saying. Afterall, I'm dealing with the nation's funds. I assist in generating wealth for the country. I guess the vast amount of money involved scares me a little. It would help if Boss could understand as well and stop throwing me more and more endless jobs. One of my coll said they wouldn't throw me so many things if they dun trust me. However, there is a limit to everyone's capability. One person alone cannot handled so many things what. And I wonder as I take on more of my colls' workload, what are they left to do?

When I casually mentioned that I want to change job, the people around me will say it's not easy getting into my company so I should not give up so easily. I suppose it's the same everywhere U go. I just find my current company structure and policies particularly rigid. To me, recognition plays an important role too. I dun wanna slog my life away w/o appreciation. Like how I have been complaining: I dun get OT pay (cos HR deems my pay beyond that level) nor meal and cab claims like others. The only thing that keeps me going is the drive to learn as much as I can and the valuable experience that I will reap. I believe it will serve me well in future.

Should I love or hate my job?

It's a love-hate relationship.

++ MarryMango at 9:04 PM.